Funny Jokes

A is for Adjust. Punjabis will always ask you to ‘Thoda Adjust kaar low ji’

B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your bum. It is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.

C is for Cloney and it’s not a process for replicating sheep, nor is it George’s last name. It is merely an area where people live e.g. Defence Cloney.

E is for Expanditure. Punjabis are never shy of spending money - the latest cars, gadgets, marble floors: their ambitions are always expanding.

F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building (with backside being the back,
of course).

G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to shame (If the Grand Prix does come to Ludhiana there’s no way Hamilton, Alonso or Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder di Gaddi).

H is for Ho Jaoga Ji, and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it’s rarely going to happen.

I is for Intezaar, and to know more about it see ‘P’.

J is for Jindagi, and if there’s one person who knows how to live life to the fullest it’s a Punjabi.

K is for Khanna, Khurana, Kapoor, etc., the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses (e.g.’Keeping up with the Khuranas’)

L is for Lovely sister of Happy, but unfortunately she almost never is

M is for Mrooti, the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.

N is for No Problem Ji. To find out how that works see H.

O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy…).

P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far (100 km) a Punjabi is from you, he always says he’ll reach you in punj
mint.

Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi.

R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one, even if the odds are against him.

S is for Sweetie, Sandy and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in NCR.

T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori chicken.

U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become ‘Uncle-ji’.

V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakh and counting.

W is for Whan  or Whay, as in ‘Whan are you coming ji?’

X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in all Punjabi conversations.

Y is for ‘You nonsense’, when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting  spree.

Z is for Zigzag (Please refer to G & M).

Mai kya ji : Have a good day  Ji!

This is a real story of a young college girl who passed away last month in Chandigarh . Her name was Priya. She was hit by a truck.
She is working in a call centre. She has a boy friend named Shankar. Both of them are true lovers. They always hang on the phone.You can
never see her without her fact she also changed her phone from Airtel to Hutch, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost.
She spends half of the day talking with shankar. Priya’s family knows about their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya’s family. (just imagine their love) . Before she passed away shealways told her friends “If I pass away please burn me with my handphone” she also said the same thing to her parents.
After her death, people cudnt carry her body, I was there. A lot of them tried to do so but still cant , everybody including me, had tried to carry the body, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called a person who know to one of their neighbours, who can speak with the soul of dead person, who is a friend of her father.
He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly.
After a few minutes, he said “this girl misses something here.” Then her friends told that person about her intentions to burn her with her phone.
He then opened the grave box and place her phone and sim card inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the body. It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily.
All of us were shocked. Priya’s parents did not inform Shankar that Priya had passed away.
After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya’s mom…..
Shankar :….”Aunty, I’m coming home today. Cook something nice for me. Dont tell Priya that I’m coming home today, I wanna surprise her.”
Her mother replied….. “You come home first, I wanna tell you something very important.”
After he came, they told him the truth about Priya. Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said “dont try to fool me - tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for her. Please stop this nonsense”.
Then they show him the original death certificate to him. They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to sweat) He said… “Its not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me. Shankar was shaking.
Suddenly, Shankar’s phone rang. “see this is from Priya, see this….” he showed the phone to priya’s family. all of them told him to answer. he talked using the loudspeaker mode.
All of them heard his conversation. Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her sim card since it is nailed.
Inside the grave box they were so shocked and asked for the same person’s (who can speak with the soul of deal persons) help again. He brought his master to solve this matter.
He & his master worked for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing which really shocked them…
Hutch has the best coverage.
Where ever you go, our network follows!!!

1.    Married life is full of excitement and frustration:

• In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
• In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
• In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

2.   It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

3.    Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

4.    It’s true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!

5.    Definition of Second marriage:  Triumph of hope over experience.

6.    A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

7.    Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.

8.    Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China , a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

9.    There was a man who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married…and then it was too late!”

10.     Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

11.     They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.

12.     When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

13.     There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.

14.     A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

15.     Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.

16.     Husband: a man who buys his cricket tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping.

17.    I am in total control, but don’t tell my wife.

18.     Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other’s character before marriage, which is never advisable. — Oscar Wild

19.    Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

20. My wife says if I go play cricket one more time she’s  going to leave me. Gosh, I’m going to miss her.

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile ! boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears.
Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one.
He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims ’71st and *again* barefeet!’

What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?             
Pull the pin and throw it back.
              
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?               
Run like crazy….he’s got a hand grenade in his mouth.

Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
I would like to buy this small TV,’ he told the salesman.
‘Sorry, we don’t sell to SARDARs,’ he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman
‘I would like to buy this TV.’
‘Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,’ Salesman replied.
‘Damn, he recognized me,’ he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time,haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman.
‘I would like to buy this TV.’
‘Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,’ he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed ‘How do you know I’m a Sardar?’
‘Because that’s a microwave,’ he replied.

A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like ‘Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai’

A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, ‘What is that shiny object?’
The clerk replies, ‘That is a thermos flask.’
The sardar then asks, ‘What does it do?’
The clerk responds, ‘It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.’
The sardar says, ‘I’ll take it!’
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His sardar boss sees him and asks, ‘What is that shiny object with you?’
He said, ‘It’s a thermos flask.’
The boss then says,’What does it ! do?’
He replies, ‘It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.’
The boss said, ‘Wow, what do you have in it?’
The sardar replies, ‘Two cups of coffee and a coke.’

“A wife is someone who stands by her husband through all his troubles. He would not have had .. if he had stayed single”.

Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab.
Santa Singh raised a point, ‘Oh..we’ll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?’
That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly
Banta Singh replied, ‘No problem! we’ll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we’ll automatically get developed.’ All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word.
Someone asked him why he wasn’t happy. The surd replied, ‘OH! THAT’S ALRIGHT BUT…WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????’